Everything’s Connected

As easy as it is to stress about just anything, trust me I’m the queen, it’s kinda cool to know that everything will work out. Believing what is meant to be is meant to be. I am reminded when I catch myself seeing random parts of life that connect. The moments when you think, “Wow, it’s a small world.” Or the moments where something from the past comes up in the present in the smallest or most random way.

I talk about my attachment issues a lot. Especially lately since it’s one of the primary things that I am working on. It can be difficult to figure out. You have your attachment style and you have those around you. It’s understanding your own and having a grasp on those around you (without psychoanalyzing them too much). It’s ultimately up to those around you to figure out their issues. It’s why I’ve been working on fixing my issues.

I struggle with abandonment. I’ve gotten better since I have a base that I can come to and who won’t leave. It doesn’t save me from other relationships that I’ve allowed myself to get attached to one way or another. The goal would be to not get attached at all but I think that’s unrealistic. Especially for me. Since I started letting people in and having feelings develop (romantic and platonic) I’ve had to learn how to be okay if they left or things shifted.

I can get sad if someone leaves or things shift and I feel an emptiness that someone once filled. Another reason why it’s important to love yourself first and be okay with yourself. It’s normal and okay to feel an emptiness that was once filled by someone. The thing about life and those moments I was talking about, someone will come back if they’re supposed to. I’m a believer that everything is connected in one way or another. Things come through waves. Sometimes those waves will look different.

I’ve had a lot of things come up in recent years but they look different than they once did. The world has evolved. I have evolved. Things find you when they are supposed to. I was going through songs and discovered one I hadn’t listened to in a bit. I didn’t realize it was the same artist as the one I was recently recommended by a friend. The song I hadn’t listened to in a while was one of the artist’s first singles and she has since changed her sound. I didn’t connect it until it popped up and I was, “Is this who I think it is?” It’s weird to think when I discovered this artist I hadn’t even met the friend who recommended one of her songs years later. That friend has ended up playing a big part in how I’ve grown and embraced who I am. They’ve inspired other events in my life that probably wouldn’t have happened. Things would have looked different if they had come into my life shortly before or after. I don’t think they would have impacted me in the same way.

I have also experienced having someone come into my life when I wasn’t in a place to fully let them in. They later came back when I was ready but then they weren’t. As much as I sometimes wish we could get on the same “track.” I also believe each time life has brought us back it was when we needed it. I am in a place where I can handle our relationship shift. If I had let them back in sooner, I might not have been able to process our friendship. I value our friendship. For one, I wouldn’t be working on my attachment issues if it wasn’t for them. Most of my friendships have been where we’ve been super close and then we phase out. The end. This friendship is inevitably going to have phases because we each have our things to deal with. We still want each other in our lives, so I’ve had to learn how to respond healthily to the ebbs and flows of this friendship. I was in a place in my healing and life where I could handle it.

Even the moments where something feels like it’s another thing added, maybe it came at the right time. It doesn’t mean it’s not hard. There are going to be days where you miss who you were before certain events or people. People and events make us who we are. Positively and negatively. I see the people in my life and how our relationships are shaped because we are healing from people who never should have hurt us. We came into each other’s lives when we were supposed to.

My job in general is always changing in one way or another. I’ve had to adapt often creating a disconnect in my brain. My job is currently dealing with bigger changes. My immediate supervisor is shifting positions so there is unknown when it comes to that. She’s been a big reason I’ve stayed this long. I’ve had a few people in other departments who are no longer employees for various reasons, so that’s been a sad time for me. What I’ve learned over the years is I’ll adapt. I thought I wouldn’t make it when my favorite coworker (who is now one of the ones who is no longer employed) left to go to another department. I was a mess when my former supervisor left to go to a fully remote position. Now, I’m attached to my current supervisor and she ended up being so good for me as a person and how I process things.

I try not to overreact and jump to extremes (it’s still a work in progress). It comes out a lot in connection to my relationships (especially the someone leaving me part). With the extra structural changes at work, it’s been a good time to work on not jumping to extremes. Being present in the moment. I could reference once again, “Lighter” by Yung Pueblo. Two lines that stick with me when it comes to this are “The more we understand change, the happier we become,” and “Embracing the fact that you will have to continuously let go of who you were.”

Change is a river and you have to embrace the flow.

A lot of embracing needs to happen in life. Depending on how life has treated you it can be hard to embrace certain things.

In a perfect world, we’d be able to control how life goes, but that’s not an option. Having an attachment to control is harmful. There’s something special about the idea that people and things happen at the right time. A lot of the time things happen in ways greater than we ever could imagine.