Don’t be afraid to be PROUD

I have been afraid to be proud of myself. That may sound silly, but it is how I feel. One reason why I don’t like talking about the death of my parents is because I am afraid that people would think I am taking advantage of my past and use it as an excuse not to work as hard. I have tried not to care about what others think of me or what I do or not do. I am trying to allow myself to be proud of myself. I may have barely graduated high school with a GPA over 3.0, but I GRADUATED. Reflecting over all the death, depression, bullying, and the aftermath of it all, I am proud of myself. Aside from everything being against me, I overcame it by graduating high school. I am overcoming it by going to college.

I did not realize how much of a phenomenon it is that I am in college, until my Sociology class. I was the only one in my class that did not raise my hand to questions like “Who has at least one parent who went to college?” There were other questions that I don’t quite remember the details about, but they reminded me of where I come from. They showed me how rare it is that people who come from situations like mine go to college. I was around people where college was a normal thing. Such a normal thing, that the majority of them had parents who worked at colleges giving them the chance to go to college with free tuition. Those questions that were asked by my Sociology professor, and those hands that were up in the air opened my eyes. It made me thankful for college in a way like never before.

I am trying not to take advantage of college, or the opportunities that it offers. I am trying to fully live life, and not let days just pass by (which is the hardest thing for me to do). I think a key to not letting days just pass by is to look for things that you are thankful for. I know looking for the good in my life has gotten me through hard times, whether it be a phone or clean water that I am thankful for. There is good in this world, you just have to search for it. The searching process can be easy and it can be hard, but it is worth it. It may not seem worth it in the beginning, but it is. I have been searching for nine years, and I am just starting to see the good in this world. It takes time. If you have people in your life, let them be in your life. Don’t push them away. If you don’t have people, I am here. There are hotlines. There is counseling. There are people out there to help. Just remember you are loved.