I Shouldn’t Feel Bad

I should still be doing homework on this Thanksgiving Break of mine but I have already done two hours straight of it today and that may sound like a little time, but sadly that is a lot for me.

Instead I am here taking a homework break and writing about something I have yet decided.

It’s the season of being thankful or if you’re hip on the lingo “szn” of being thankful.

Social media loves to glamorize life and only show the good things that happen, but life is hard for anyone.

I am two weeks away from finals and three weeks away until I graduate from college. Not gonna lie I am kinda terrified about what’s going to happen. I have a lot of assignments due after this Thanksgiving Break (which is why I am actually doing homework on a break). I am anxious about finding a job so I can continue paying bills, and hopefully better than I am now. I am just plain on anxious about the change I am about to encounter.

Yes, all of that is everyday stuff. I understand that. It doesn’t take away the fact that I am beyond terrified.

I have put a lot of energy into not being the person who envies people my age who have parents that can take care of them. Sometimes it is hard to think maybe I wouldn’t be as anxious about all of this if I had the safety of parents who would take care of me financially if I failed.

But I don’t have that.

I DO have God who I am quite thankful for. Though I don’t have someone physically to give me that feeling of a safety net, I do have a God that provides even when I don’t see it possible.

This past year I have seen many times where God provided in ways financially where I would have failed if He hadn’t been there. Though I may be on the verge of a mental breakdown until I get to finals because of all of the stress, I will make it. God will provide.

I’m not saying this to put pity on me or any of it. That’s never why I say what I say.

I think I say it not only to get it out of my head but also to get it in my head that I am doing better than I ever thought I could. Aunt Debbie has been gone almost three years and I have been on my own since. I didn’t think I could ever do life without her help hence why she had so much control over me.

I am surviving while paying for all of my bills AND I am doing that the right way. The way that isn’t selling my body or finding a sugar daddy like those who raised me did.

I shouldn’t ever feel bad that I don’t have the newest devices or money to just spend on days like today (Black Friday). Or even to the extremes not having money for gas. I shouldn’t feel bad.

And God is good!