What Goes Through My Head

A couple weeks ago a friend asked me “Logan, what goes through your head?” I responded, “I honestly don’t know.”

There are many times where people will ask, “What are you thinking about right now?” I am so in my head that when “I come back to reality,” I completely forget what I was just thinking about.

I don’t know where I am going to go with this post but I am going to attempt to share a little bit of what goes through my complex head.

A lot of what I do and think is focused on survival. This has made me more serious at times.

Each time I eat, I am already figuring out the next time I am going to eat. Meaning, is this going to be the last time I eat for the day or am I going to have the ability to eat again before the day is over which affects what and how much I eat.

I think about how I am going to pay my bills. I think about whether or not I am going to have to sell something else of mine just to pay those bills. Or even ask someone for help.

I think how many miles I can make it with my gas light on because I have 32 cents in my account and still days away from payday.

No, not every week or month is this extreme. Some months it is. Honestly, this has been the first month in a few that I haven’t had to worry about what I am going to have to sell in order to pay my phone bill or rent.

I know this is “normal” life and thousands of people have these thoughts so don’t take this as me thinking this is just me. I do think about how it is sometimes hard to be surrounded by so many who still have someone paying for a good amount of their bills so they don’t have to worry about not being able to afford food or not working enough hours.

When my friends ask if I want to go out to eat or party or other fun stuff, I have to say no or maybe to most of it because I know I can’t afford it. I am thankful that I do have friends who do somewhat understand my limitations. I also have amazing friends who have paid for my food or gas because they care for me and do want to spend time with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do think about fun and positive things, but I do have to throw in some realistic thoughts because in order to do those fun and positive things in the future I have to stay on “survival” mode now until I do have a stable job that does give me the ability to do more fun stuff without stressing about how I am going to pay for bills or food or just any of the things that require me to survive.

I do think about how thankful I am to have the group of people that I have around me. I could not have survived this long on my own without these people who have used their resources to help me. I really am surrounded by people who love me and care about my well-being.

Saying that my amazing God put all of them in my life when I needed them the most which solidifies the idea of God’s timing being perfect and that wherever you are is where God knows you need to be at that moment.

This was more of a serious “What goes through my head”, but I can see a less serious and more of the little, care free, and simple happy things that go through my head coming soon so stay tuned!