Find Love Together – Logan Briana

In January, I applied to the Fort Myers Police Department, which is in Florida. Those who have known me for a little bit know that becoming a cop has been a dream of mine since high school. I was even voted “Most Likely To Become a CIA Agent.” Since my college experience was all over the place, my passion to become some form of a cop did diminish. Even though it diminished I still had a part of me that wanted to be a cop. Each time I’d switch what I wanted to do, I’d always go back to becoming a cop before going onto the next thing.

In January, I was searching and searching for work and honestly just wanted to start over in a new state. I was really interested in Florida. There weren’t any openings in the police department in Miami, so I searched for other departments in Florida. Fort Myers popped up, and I applied.

Well, over the last couple of months I’ve gotten emails saying I have moved onto the next part of the hiring process. I then got an email a couple of days ago saying that I moved onto the next stage, but this next stage actually requires me to go down to Ft. Myers and take the fitness test and other tests to see if I am suited to become an officer. Also, it sounds like this is the stage that determines if I get the job or not.

If I had gotten this email even just month earlier, it’d be a no brainer to go down and try to fight for this job. I started a job at an assisted living place and this job showed how much I do really love being in the medical field and even started to push me into getting my CNA certification. I’d then get my LPN and eventually RN.

I truly love my job and the people I get to spend time with and take care of. I get to interact with amazing individuals who are over a hundred years old and many who aren’t far from that. I get to hear their amazing stories. I get to share the love but also receive it back. It is exhausting work but there isn’t a day where I don’t go home full of love.

But I still have that part of me that wants to be a cop.

I have had mixed responses from those who I have told, which I prefer because then I’ll be less likely to pick one or the other based on what others think is best for me.

Honestly, either one I choose I’ll probably have a sense of what if because of how much both areas mean to me. Also, if I chose one and hated it, it’s not like I wouldn’t have another opportunity to do the other.

I think I am terrified of going for the cop job and not loving it and there I am in Florida (which I’d finally be by the beach so that’d be great) regretting my decision.

I grew up with the “If it ain’t broke then don’t fix it,” mentality. I already know I love being in the medical field and I love taking care of people. In my head, I am thinking, “I love my job, so why change it.” When I graduated, I was terrified to get a job that I didn’t love as much as I loved my student jobs. Which my first job post-grad was far from great, and when I did get the opportunity to go for my current job, it was a leap of faith. I didn’t know what to expect or if it would be any better than the job I did have. My current job has opened many doors that I never thought of taking until now. This cop job also has the possibility of opening doors that I have dreamt about, yet I am not 100% sure. Then again are we really 100% sure on a life-changing decision? This time I would be leaving a job I love, and that’s what makes this decision so back and forth.

Right now I have gone back to more of my part-time hours at my job so I have had more time to do other things which has driven me insane because my best friends are men in their 40’s and 50’s who don’t need me bugging them while they are working. Then my friends who are my age are either not in Indiana anymore or busy with school who will then graduate and not be in Indiana anyway.

I have a group of people, ironically mainly married men in their 40s and older, who have become my family who love me and will take care of me. I am so thankful for them because they are all so amazing but there are limitations because they are married so it’s not like I can really develop relationships and spend time with them on a personal level. At the end of the day they have families to go home to. After losing the person I did get to spend so much time with because she went home to Chicago, I honestly feel so alone.

Part of me thinks that moving to Florida, where I will be almost 10 hours away from any family, would be a good thing for me. I’m already alone now so why not be alone and start over in a new place. I would have to get out any way to learn the area which would push me to get out and meet new people.

I have some big life decisions to make within a week and it’s absolutely terrifying but God is good and will take care of me no matter what decision I end up making!

Picture credit: Dezaray Barr