Find Love Together – Logan Briana

For most girls, their first love is their father.

And for me, I had a dad who loved me, but he just wasn’t able to take care of me. After I said goodbye to him when I was ten, I didn’t really have a man in my life until I was nineteen. Now I am twenty-three and in that fourish year span, I now have four men who mean the world to me. They have shown me love on nearly every spectrum. They showed me what it felt like to be truly loved and seen.

They are from the Communication Department at IWU and if you guys are reading this, you know who you are.

When I was nineteen, I lost Aunt Debbie which led me to lose myself. I didn’t know who I was and my self-worth was at its LOWEST. I was disgusted at myself and honestly thought I was a piece of trash. That’s when these men gradually came into my life.

Some of them have been there the whole four for almost five years and some have only come to mean what they mean in the last year or two.

To the one who gave me my self worth back. The one who showed me that I was seen. One of my forever supporters who understands me better than most. Thank you for getting me back to IWU because without you I probably wouldn’t have come back let alone reach my goal of graduating with a B.S.

To the one who I love so incredibly much. The one who gives the best talks and isn’t afraid to question me. I wouldn’t be me without you. You saw the pre-Aunt Debbie me…well kind of if you could get me to stick around long enough after a production to talk to me…and you’ve seen the present Logan and all that is in between. Thank you for pushing to see the me that I couldn’t even see myself.

To the one with the voice that anyone knows, you are the reason I made it to graduation. You can make me smile when I am in the middle of a breakdown crying at nine o’clock at night in an edit room. You made me believe in myself. You push me in the most creative ways. If I am having another life crisis and I don’t know what I want to do with my life (so every two hours haha) you always have the best advice. Out of all four of these men, you are the most like a father to me. You are just an amazing man that I and so many people are blessed to know.

To the SUPER introverted one with the cool jeep, you’re just like a big blanket. You are the one I’ve just recently gotten close to, yet you’ve done so much. I see me in you. You’re the one, post-grad, that has continued to push me to do the things that I have had a continued passion for, such as me becoming a cop. The little things you do make me smile for the rest of the day, such as you being excited to show me the number of miles you’ve rode on the bike I gave you. You make me happy.

All of you push me in different ways but the best ways.

With that being said, I think it’s time for your girl to “spread her wings and fly.” It’s time for me to try to do this life without depending on you for every little thing. Of course, with me not even being two minutes away from all of your offices, I’m still probably going to visit you more than the typical person.

I’ve had this feeling for a bit now, and honestly, it is bittersweet. It’s hard separating yourself from people you love more than nearly anything in this world. I need to not let my love for you hold me back from going after dreams just because I didn’t want to leave or be far from you guys. YOU ARE MY FAMILY, but the great thing about family is that they will support and love you no matter how far or close you are.

In a way, you “birthed” me, with the lack of a better word. I am now the outgoing and confident person that I am because of you. You healed me in ways I never thought I’d be healed. You gave me standards when it comes to people, but especially when it comes to men.

I know I have used this quote before because it’s one of my favorites and I kinda live by it but it fits into how I am feeling right now. It’s from Criminal Minds, season six, episode two,

“I’m thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I’ll take the best of them with me and lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn’t what I want, but I’ll take the high road. Maybe it’s because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don’t want to walk around angry, or maybe it’s because I finally understand. There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn. And people we can’t live without, but have to let go.”

I am a better and changed person because of all of you. You are the four I will continue to carry with me for the rest of my life. Plus, I have to make sure you four approve of whatever man is successful in making it to the level of being with me 🙂