Love Through The Pain

You come across thousands of people in your lifetime. The length and the way that they come into your life has many variations.

There have been many times where I have asked God, “Why did you bring them into my life in the way that you did?” Then I would also ask, “Why did you take them away?” I got to a point where I was tired of asking questions like this and stopped putting myself into relationships (well I would also say a lot of that time I was also unable to whether or not I chose to).

It is hard to love people and give them a part of yourself without knowing what they’ll do with it. It is in so many people’s instincts to stop giving and stop loving because they’ve been hurt so many times, but it’s a necessary part of life.

As I have gotten older, I’ve gotten close to people and, as if someone flipped a switch, they stopped talking to me. I get attached easily, so over the years I have had to accept that there was a good chance I didn’t mean as much to someone as they meant to me. Even as a child, I remember being so emotionally attached to people and it would crush me when I thought they didn’t love me back.

I became used to it. My childhood house sometimes felt like a halfway house because my mom was always giving someone a place to stay. This gave room for me to get close to people on a personal level, say goodbye to them, and never see them again.

There are times where it is excruciatingly hard to get close to someone and then not be able to be in their life the way that you had planned. There are some relationships that I still mourn because they dissolved because life got in the way. Others make me question myself because I have no idea what I did to make them change their thoughts about me. Then there are of course the relationships that I lost to death. When I was heavily mourning over a relationship, one of my dearest friends gave me a sign that said,

“Grief is the price you pay for loving too hard, but you have to continue to love. Unfortunately, things are going to happen in your life. If you can honestly love with no inhibitions, you can look back on situations and relationships and know you gave them everything you had.”

Love is essential.

It does bring pain, and sometimes a lot of it, and as cliché as this sounds, the rewards outweigh that pain.

I have cried hours and hours over people, dead and alive. My heart felt like it was going to break in half because it hurt so much. I also know that I am a better person for loving them, and that’s what makes all of the pain worth it.

Remember, you can love someone from afar. Not everyone needs or deserves to be in your immediate life. Figure out how to love them, but at the same time be able to love yourself in the process.

I started this blog not sure where it was going to go. I just knew I wanted to share love somehow. I never expected me to share all that I have on here, let alone it end up being an outlet for healing from my trauma.

My goal in life is to love people and make them feel seen and worthy. God put people, full of His love, into my life at a time where that need was great. They taught me how it felt to be loved, and in ways, they taught me how to love through the pain.

There are so many bible verses about love, and why do you think that is? Love changes everything. I enjoy 1 Corinthians 13:2,

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”

It’s scary to love others, but without love there’s nothing.