It’s Okay To Be Mad

I’ve never been one to get mad too often. I also haven’t been mad about any of the things that have happened to me. At least until now. I was told that my being mad is good in the sense that I am starting to value myself. I am in ways grieving on top of other things with my current battle that I’ve touched on in previous posts.

Maybe for once in my life, I am grieving properly. Who knows. This is new to me and feels weird. I think in ways I associate me being mad with me being selfish. Which deep down it isn’t. It is me valuing myself and fighting for my worth in ways I haven’t before.

Flat out it’s me hurting and mourning. I like to blame a lot of things on my hormones (which may be) but deep down it’s just me dealing with my current battle on top of finally dealing with every other battle that I in ways ignored. I shared a post on Facebook a couple of weeks ago that said, “I couldn’t heal because I kept pretending I wasn’t hurt.” Maybe I have lived in denial for nearly fourteen years. Maybe this current battle opened up everything else.

Healing comes down to choosing/wanting to heal. When you get used to the pain and being forgotten it’s in ways easier to settle with what’s become the norm. But you have to overcome your fear to heal and take a chance on yourself (which I am not good at so this is me telling myself too).

I am learning that is okay to be mad, especially at this time. In ways, it would be weird if I wasn’t mad right now. I just have to learn how to deal with my being mad in a healthy way that leads to the next step of grieving and healing. Like I’ve said before, I’ve never been mad especially at my situation.

Maybe with being mad, I will begin to fight for myself and what I deserve.