This weekend I threw away everything physical in my house that was my abuser’s. Everything but the note from him that I forgot I had tucked away in my bible.
His name is the worst in the sense that I am going to hear both his first and last name constantly throughout my life. Something I have been trying to get past. For one, I hear his name constantly for he shares the name with one of the great apostles. One of the apostles that is brought up just about every time someone preaches.
Because of this it has been hard for me to listen to much sermon wise. It depends on where I am mentally. A lot of my favorite books in the bible are written by this apostle so I have been trying to get past this issue.
This morning I watched my church service while practicing social distancing (which if you aren’t currently doing please do. Thanks).
My pastor spoke on Ephesians 5:8-20, which was written by that apostle. When I opened my bible to this passage I found the forgotten note given to me by my abuser. Let’s just say this got my attention and made me go, “Okay, God I am listening.”
This passage and Evan focused on the light of God despite of the darkness.
8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true),10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Ephesians 5:8-20 ESV
This morning Evan talked about shining light on the darkness. The darkness that takes you away from God and His light. This passage talks about exposing that darkness for it is not nearly as strong once exposed by the light.
It’s a choice to walk in darkness or walk in light. It’s not always an easy choice. How am I going to spend this season of COVID-19? Am I going to walk in darkness or light?
In what ways am I tempted towards the darkness? What are the things in my life that bring shame, regret, and temptation. The things that push me to keep secrets from others.
My abuser has been my darkness for three years. Even now with him not directly in my life there are still the lingering issues that come from him. After I post this, I plan to add that note to the things that I threw away earlier this week. The note that is an anchor to that darkness.
It’s taken me nearly five months the throw away these things. These things that I haven’t particularly dwelled on like I have over the years, but still are things that could be temptation to stay in darkness instead of the light of God.
I touched on some of what Evan did, but still I encourage you to watch.
Find Love Together - Logan Briana 
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