Life Changes

Honestly, I am not sure where this post will go. When I was in college and taking my writing courses all by the best English professor ever. She would have us write for however long and we would write what came to our mind. If we messed up we messed up.

This form of writing allows you to take all of the jumbled mess that is in your head and put it on paper. I encourage you to find a piece of paper and just write. It can be five minutes or fifteen. As long as you want. You just can’t stop writing until whatever amount of time you pick is up.

Quarantine and all that has become our new normal has made my mind all jumbled. I have all of these thoughts and emotions but I haven’t found a way to put it on “paper.”

There are parts of me that are the go with the flow kind of person. Then you can tell I grew up as an only child and have the need to control everything. What is currently happening to the world is another event in history that shows how quickly life changes and out of our control. As much as everyone is ready for life to get back to “normal” it isn’t going to go back to how it was. It may not be as big of a difference as other life events in our history, but things are going to be different.

Life changes.

I know I am guilty of wanting to hold onto the past. Sometimes holding onto what was gives a sense of security. I believe it is okay to remember and celebrate the past. If that looking back takes you away from being present in your life then that’s when it harms. All we have is now. We can’t get our past back and we aren’t guaranteed the future. Sometimes our present may be terrible, but it is how we respond is what makes a difference.

I still am young enough to have plenty of people tell me I have my future ahead of me. Though age is a factor, I don’t believe it’s as big of a factor as people give it credit. It gets put in our head that we have to accomplish all of these things by a certain age or we have failed at life.

When I was a sophomore in college I had chose biology as my major because I wanted to go to grad school for marine biology. My plans changed when my aunt died and I had to learn how to do life on my own. I switched to general studies so I could graduate with an associate’s degree so my last two years weren’t a waste of money. I don’t know if I would have kept biology as my major given my track record of switching majors. I like to think I would have. I can dwell on that what if or I could make that what if into reality if I wanted to do so. Society tells me that it’s too late for me to do that, but it isn’t.

I have been trying to get out of Indiana for nearly fourteen years, but for some reason, it has kept me here. Though I still don’t plan to be here forever, I am not focusing all of my time thinking about how I want to leave. I have found life to be a battle of being content with what you have but not settling. Though I have all of these goals, I am also happy with where I’m at.

It may take you longer compared to others to reach similar goals but that is okay. I know if I were to go to school again for a specific degree, I would be more capable than I was right out of high school. Also, you don’t need to go to college to be successful, but that’s a whole different story.

Change is inevitable. So much can happen in a year. So much can happen in a month. We are witnessing that now. Life doesn’t always go how you planned but life does end up working out.