But That’s What Family Is

I don’t know if it’s because I am months away from my mid-twenties or something else but I feel different.

A lot of the time when a child experiences a big traumatic event their brain will stop developing in areas and they stay at the age they were when the traumatic event happened.

For me, I was ten.

We still grow up but mentally in areas we are still children. I wouldn’t say that I am completely healed but I don’t think I am that child anymore. Maybe that is why I feel different.

I have people in my life who love me but don’t control and manipulate me. They encourage me to chase my dreams. Dreams that may require change. Changes that may be bittersweet. The difference now is that I know the people who I confide in are going to be there no matter what I do or where I go.

I know that if we are a few miles away or thousands that our love for each other wouldn’t change. I know that though they would be okay with me being far away that it doesn’t mean they love me any less. I have never really believed that before.

But that’s what family is.

I will be the first to admit being a part of a family is hard for me. It scares me. I am so used to being on survival mode that when I don’t have to be I get anxious. I am on the constant lookout for when that moment is going to end. I’ve gotten so used to struggling that when I am not I in a way miss that feeling because it is my normal.

I don’t have to feel all of that. I have people now. When I am feeling anxious, depressed, etc I don’t have to bottle it up and deal with it alone like I’ve done most of my life.

Life is made up of a bunch of choices. I am done choosing to do this life alone.