People Are Necessary

I just finished season fifteen of Criminal Minds, which was the last season of the series. I haven’t cried more over a show. I legitimately ugly cried. You’re probably thinking, “It’s just a show.” Yeah, it is, but a lot of who I am is because of this show.

If you have read my things for a bit you have probably noticed me reference Criminal Minds a few times. Usually the JJ quote from when she leaves for a bit in season six. The quote hangs up in my house (and for those who don’t know I don’t decorate much so that means something haha).

Throughout the years of watching this show, I have grown up. I have learned that change can be good. Painful and hard but good and sometimes necessary. I have learned that it is okay and again necessary to need people. People are a vital part of life. In life, people are going to come and go but that doesn’t give the reason to stop loving them passionately. I know with me losing so many people so close together I went to a place where I didn’t want to love people (though for me it’s nearly impossible). Loving people is hard. It takes a lot out of you. It’s unknown. You have no idea if all of the time and energy spent on them is going to stop tomorrow, in a month, years, etc.

AJ Cook, the actress who plays JJ on Criminal Minds is probably one of my biggest inspirations. She did a live video and during that video, she was asked how being a mom has been during quarantine. Though I am not a mom, one thing she said while answering this question was being present. She has thrown away trying to balance everything as for her that is where she fails. Instead, she has decided to be 100% with where and what she is doing at the time.

I struggle with being present. One of my top strengths is futuristic. I tend to focus a lot on what is going to happen, which I think has gotten me to a lot of places. As beneficial as thinking ahead can be, being present is just as important if not more. Whether that is not going on your phone while spending time with someone. For me, it would also be writing. I have so many ideas that go through my head but I don’t always sit down and write. Though I blame some of it with my go-to writing spot being closed because of COVID.

I know personally, it takes a lot for me to trust someone and believe that they care about me. It has taken me YEARS to finally be able to call someone and be like, “I’m having a bad day are you available?” That is with me still stopping myself from sending a text or dialing their number many times. I will talk myself out of it by thinking I’d just bother them or they don’t care. There have been many times too, where everyone has been busy or gone and all I can do is get through it myself. For a while, that would be a big reason I would stop trying to let people in because it’s tiring.

But people are necessary.