I Fell In Love

Life is a wild thing to think about.

Many people and places we get to witness throughout our lives. As much as you may have a plan, life can change so fast before even realizing it is happening.

I am a people pleaser. Sometimes too much where I sacrifice my happiness or wellbeing to make sure those around me are happy. This has caused me to stay quiet about who I am and what I believe in. We are in a constant state of diversity especially during this time and the events that are happening in this world.

I know myself and others who have spoken up about some controversial things and have lost people or had relationships shift because of their opinions not matching. I understand it is easier and necessary to spend time with those who have similar beliefs as you. It is also important to be understanding of those with different beliefs or views as you. Their views are just as valid as yours.

It can be hard to understand why someone may believe a certain thing, but it doesn’t automatically mean they are wrong. This is why it can be important to talk to people on all spectrums of beliefs. You may be able to see and maybe even understand why someone believes something that you may not. It can be hard to not put your guard up around them because it can be scary.

People’s values and beliefs are the core of who someone is. If you are around someone who is fighting against some of those things you believe in it can make it difficult to drop your walls around them. Though I believe the world could be united, we are far from it. So it is going to be normal to put walls up. We are human and it is in us to protect ourselves when we feel we are in danger. I think if we all (me included) worked on being understanding of others and their beliefs it could be just a fraction in the right direction.

It wasn’t until recently where I have gotten a little more confident in fighting for what I believe in. I used to believe that if I was quiet that it was my way of being respectful of other’s opinions. There are times where it is but we also need to respectfully talk about why we believe in what we do. No matter what side you are on, our world is incredibly flawed and has many things that need to be changed.

I have always had a passion for advocacy, especially fighting for those who can’t. One thing that has stuck with me for most of my life was something one of my friend’s mothers told me. They told me how I was the only friend who made sure the younger sibling was included instead of going along with their older sibling and treating them in ways older siblings do. Even as a child I wanted to make sure each person (or thing) felt valid and included. When I was a child I lived at a house that had a pond and a pool. Because of the pond, many different little animals would be found in the pool filter and the surrounding area. The most common animal was a frog. A lot of times they were usually found dead. Me being me I named each one and wrote it down in a little notebook. I had over fifty names written down. I wanted to make sure these animals were thought about even after their life. So I made it my duty to do that.

This year has been full of fights for basic human rights. Maybe this is why it has allowed me to become more comfortable in the fighting. Maybe it’s because I have a few people who have similar beliefs as me that give me the strength to speak up about what I believe is right. Maybe it’s because I am learning to be okay with me being me despite what I may lose.

I have always been petrified of losing people whether it be family or friends if they saw me for me. Though it’s not like I lie about who I am I have all of these walls up around me. I have been so afraid that I am not good enough for people. The thing I have begun to learn is yes you may lose people for being who you are but you will also gain people for who you are. There might be a time where you barely have anyone and have to learn how to be okay alone. I grew up as an only child so I know how to occupy myself while alone. I also have had the habit of keeping busy by consistently spending time with people to distract myself from my thoughts. This was easy to do when I was in college because of being in close quarters with hundreds or even thousands of people. I have recently had to relearn how to be content alone.

Though I was dealing with my thoughts by using people and work to replace them, I also fell in love with people. Like I touched on earlier I have always had a love for people. But for a bit from the trauma, I lost that love because it was so hard to see the good in anything let alone in people.

I fell back in love with people.