My Mom Amazes Me

I still learn and am wowed by my mom fourteen years after her death. I continue to learn about her whether I find new information or something finally clicks. The older I get the more I find myself wanting to know what my mom was like at whatever age I am at the time.

In some of the journals of hers, I see a hint of her thoughts. Thoughts that are a lot like mine. I find myself wondering what my mom would be telling me during whatever issue I was going through if she was still alive.

The more I heal the more I do remember my mom. You can only remember so much as a ten-year-old. It wasn’t until I was finishing up college that I realized how much of what I do is in honor of my mother.

In my sophomore year of high school, I found this class ring. I forget where or how I found it, but at the time I was pretty sure it was my mom’s but still unsure. I had worn it for a little bit but quickly put it away and didn’t touch it. A few days ago I was wanting to wear rings but most of the ones I have didn’t fit me, this one included. I was feeling sentimental and decided to put it on a chain. In the last few days of me wearing it, I have looked at it in more detail. Such as the engraving of my mother’s name on the inside of the band, something I missed when wearing it on my fingers. It then has the details of her program and degree as this is a college class ring. For the longest time, it was unknown to me that my mom had any degree. This ring celebrates an associate’s degree from a community college. Her degree was in Psychology and Mental Health. Something I just discovered today while looking at the ring. It reminded me of how similar in ways I am with my mom.

My mom was bipolar. Until the day she died, she was working towards a career of helping people with their mental health. My mom was about to start her final semester/internship for her bachelor’s degree when she got sick. A portion of my childhood was watching my mom spend hours studying and going to night classes. One of my vivid memories is lying in a sleeping bag just staring at the road waiting for my mom to come home from class. I can see the moving wheels of the gold Honda Odyssey as it pulls into the driveway. I sit up still bundled up in the sleeping bag waiting for my mom to get out. Just in awe of her.

Each time I learn something new or am reminded of something about my mom, it amazes me. There was something about seeing the words mental health engraved that made me feel a sense of closeness with my mom in a way that I hadn’t felt for a bit. For years I wanted to graduate with a bachelor’s degree for my mom since she was so close. Once I did that I lost some of that push that I had when getting a degree. Then to be reminded/shown that one of my mom’s goals in life was to help others heal gave me some of that back.

Like me, she struggled with her mental health. But despite that the passion to help others overcame.