2020 Was The Best Year

This year had its hardships. A lot of death and conflict and other kinds of pain and hardship. Some things I will never understand. I have felt the isolation. I have felt my anxiety and that of others. I have felt the division and need for justice.

I have found myself.

To an extent because I believe you will never truly know who you are. This year I have learned that as well. But because of the isolation and new normal we have come to face, I have spent a lot of time with just myself. I love people, but I also do very well alone. I went into this year wanting to do everything possible to not be alone so I wouldn’t feel the pain that I was feeling. I wanted to keep myself busy. In the beginning, I did just that. Then everything happened and I was suddenly never leaving my house. Aside from paying bills and finding a little old lady who locked herself in my car.

In the beginning, I was doing great. I was home in my happy place away from everything that I wanted to get away from. Most of the stuff I was trying to forget found me. I just had to let it. I spent a lot of time watching Criminal Minds and for some reason random shows and movies I watched in the early 2010s. Television helped distract me for a bit. Once people decided to leave their houses in hopes of a normal life was when I began feeling the isolation. Even now I still attempt to social distance and stick to select people that are necessary for my wellbeing. With that, I have still spent much of my time to myself. All of the hours I have spent with myself has forced me to embrace me and whoever the flip I am.

This year as crazy as it has been taught me to embrace who I am.

While embracing who I am has allowed me to heal in ways I couldn’t before. Being forced to stay still has helped too. I am not one that likes to stay still, so having something like a pandemic had to force me to do so.

This year has opened my eyes. I have been able to see a lot of what’s important and unimportant. How quickly life changes. I went to Chicago for a weekend leaving a somewhat normal life to come back to everything shutting down. I never expected that we’d almost be on month ten of this craziness. I’d never expected all of the protests for topics just as important to fight for while millions of people are sick and dying.

2020 showed how history repeats itself. In ways that shouldn’t be repeating, but unfortunately are. I don’t expect 2021 to magically get better. A lot of what happened this year will probably happen next year, especially with all that this year has opened up. Despite the uncertainty and terror that will follow us into next year, I have hope that greatness will come out of 2021.

“Our moral responsibility is not to stop the future, but to shape it. To channel our destiny in humane directions and to ease the trauma of transition.”
Alvin Toffler