Moving On

I have lived a pretty open life meaning that I tend to share parts of me on the internet that not most people do. Anyone who reads my stuff or follows me on Twitter knows that. As I get older, I do filter what I post on Twitter. Even with posting things so personal, I still keep a lot to myself. Usually, when I get “quiet” on Twitter is when I am focusing on something I am working on. There are things that I sometimes share with my go-to people to tell. Even then there are things that I don’t believe people need to know about yet. I think that is important. People don’t need to know every movement you’re about to make.

I don’t know what 2021 will look like, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one. A life-changing one.

I will turn 25 this year which I have no idea how that happened. Though, I think for once I feel my age. I have struggled with either trying to be younger or older than I am. As if those around me won’t like me for the age I am. I know it’s weird. I have also begun to realize that being a certain age doesn’t particularly mean you have to act a certain way.

If you have read my stuff for some time now you probably know how much I believe in the choices you make. Specifically, how you choose to respond to things that have happened to you. I am in a bible study/book club thing. It is about how to forgive what you can’t forget. In the first week, we wrote down things or people we wanted to forgive so we could move on. It was a hard thing to come up with because I feel like I don’t hold grudges or get mad at people the typical way that people do. The obvious person that people would think was on the top of my list, I already have forgiven. I am not mad at him. I still struggle with the situation, but it’s more of the emptiness of him being gone (even though the things he did were not right). I may not need to forgive this person, but he is still taking parts of me that shouldn’t be taken.

I haven’t read that much of the book but an excerpt from the first chapter I believe will stick with me forever.

“But that’s like the time in college I stayed in the parking lot of a beautiful vacation spot just to make a point. A small offense happened with my friends on the drive up. When we got to our destination, they all piled out of the car, skipped through the entry, and spent hours playing fun games on the beach, jumping in the refreshingly cool waves, eating a picnic lunch, and making incredible memories together, All the while, I walked around the parking lot with vigilante strides in the sweltering heat, letting my anger intensify with every passing hour. I relished the idea of teaching my friends a lesson by staging this solo protest. But, in the end, I was the only one affected by it. I’m the only one who missed out. I’m the only one who stayed hungry. I’m the only one whose wrong actions were talked about that day. And then I’m the one who rode home in silence, knowing no one had been punished by my choices but me.”
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst

Even though I don’t particularly relate to being angry and doing what she did. I did relate to missing out on a fun situation because something was holding me back.

There are some situations and people that I need to forgive. I am excited to see how this book will help with forgiving what I can’t forget in whatever way that may look for me. I have missed out on a lot of fun times because of not being able to get past something that is on my mind. Some that I wouldn’t have been able to get past at the time, but I think where I am at with everything I might be able to forgive or move on.