Why I Switched My Major 8 Times

This past month has been a whirlwind of thoughts. I’ve told different things to different people. I am pretty confident I am not going to move to Oregon or Maryland, so now I’m putting it into the universe that I was thinking about moving. I was applying to jobs and all. I had even gone through an interview process for a coliving place in Portland, which recently I got the email that I got accepted. Getting accepted made me realize something about me and why I am all over the place with what and where I want to live. I think this reason played a part in why I switched my major so many times.

SECURITY.

My way of making sure I have a security net is making sure my options are constantly open. At the same time constantly keeping my options “open” isn’t particularly helpful either.

I haven’t been okay in one spot since my Freshman year of college when my childhood house was sold. I was forced into a constant life of change. To keep that change I have subconsciously kept looking and creating unnecessary changes. I begin to feel extremely anxious when change isn’t happening, especially big changes.

Deep down I crave being in the same place forever.

When I was a child I had the dream of being a veterinarian and living in the same place for the rest of my life. Once my mom died, I no longer had a life of stability. To survive I had to continuously adapt, and in a way of doing that has been the constant lookout for the backup plan(s). Though I can’t remember my super young self, I can remember being pretty set on one thing and sticking to it. There was no changing my mind on things and a lot of me sticking to one plan or idea.

When I am at a job or house that I enjoy I am still looking at jobs and places. Even if there is no legitimate plan to change those parts of my life. I am constantly expecting my life to be uprooted. This continuous searching has been a way to make sure I am prepared and know the options around me. I didn’t realize until now that this was a way of being in survival mode.

It’s a hard thing to not be in survival mode after you’ve been living like that for so long.

It’s important to find the things that need to be changed to heal or better yourself. It’s important to accept that you need to change those things.