Goodbye Meredith Grey

If you are any part of the Grey’s Anatomy fandom you probably know that Ellen Pompeo is leaving the show which means no more Meredith Grey. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I have cried because of this. Even for me who gets extremely involved in shows and characters, I have never actually cried over a character leaving.

This response made me wonder and reflect on why I was responding to what feels like a superficial thing to be emotional about.

I started to realize that so much of my trauma is intertwined with this show.

I didn’t start watching Grey’s Anatomy until my freshman year of college in 2014. So quite a few seasons had already happened. In that part of my life, I hadn’t been super aware of my emotions or trauma. A couple of years prior I had just really begun to talk (even then not much). I had a death almost every two years leading up to my freshman year. When I began college I was supposed to be doing things that college-aged people were supposed to do.

I didn’t know how.

I usually avoided anything that was so hyped up such as Grey’s Anatomy, but one day during finals week I decided to watch it anyway.

So much of what Meredith was feeling and going through I had related so deeply to. In many ways, it was as if I was watching myself. Something I had never felt. Watching this show opened a part of me where so much of my trauma was stored.

It was seeing a character that was going through so much but still managing to push through.

In the last year or so of my aunt’s life, I got her into the show and we began watching it together. At the time we had a few shows that we would watch together but she was a huge true crime fan and was rarely not watching something on the ID channel. At the time I didn’t enjoy watching true crime so I was off watching and doing my own thing.

The last year with my aunt we fought daily and it was probably the most strained our relationship had been. One of the times we were able to bond was when we were watching Grey’s Anatomy. Even when she had gone to the hospital before she had been put on hospice she was seeing Grey’s Anatomy in places. When I visited her in the hospital there was a nurse that my aunt was like, “Isn’t she just like Meredith Grey.” I did not see any resemblance but her thinking that made me happy. When I was in the apartment I once shared with my aunt (alone for the first time) the only thing that made me forget about life was watching Grey’s Anatomy. I only made it to season six and episode three with my aunt. Those first five seasons gave me a chance the spend time with her.

If watching a show or movie with someone was a love language it would be my number one.

I think in ways saying goodbye to Meredith Grey is like saying goodbye to my aunt all over again.

I am thankful for a character that helped me feel my trauma but also help me heal a bit from that trauma too. I don’t watch it as religiously as I once did, but healing alongside Meredith has been a wonderful journey.

“Letting go is the easy part. It’s the moving on that’s painful. So sometimes we fight it, trying to keep things the same. Things can’t stay the same though. At some point, you just have to let it go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it’s the only way we grow.”
Meredith Grey