Timing is Everything

I was working on the class that I started last week but something was pulling me to come over here and write. Maybe a little update. I feel like that is what my writing has become as I can’t seem to write as often as I once did. I think that is because I have become a little more private when it comes to what I share. I don’t think that is a bad thing but I have used this platform to share some personal things.

It’s not even that I don’t want to share what I am dealing with. I’m not afraid to share what I am going through because I believe it helps people. I also think it is part of my calling.

Last year was a hard year. That played a part in my lack of writing. It was stuff that I didn’t know how to process. Even through writing, which has played a big part in my healing.

I grew into who I am as a person.

Though I don’t think that process ever ends. I feel different. A family member once said that his 30s have been so much better than his 20s. That was because you spend most if not all of your 20s feeling lost and unsure of yourself. In your head, you are an adult and are supposed to have your life put together in your 20s. For most people that is not the case.

They also don’t talk about the adjustment period after college (if you went). You go from a bubble to essentially being thrown into the world. Then on top of that, you go from being in a confined place with people who you see every day to possibly going months if not years without seeing them. That is hard.

Most of my friends from college live in a different state. So I went from spending hours with them to hardly ever seeing them. I transitioned from college life with roommates to a life where I can go days without seeing people. Though I can handle that pretty well I also know that is not what I need or even want (though I may not usually admit that).

The only place I was able to be around people became the last place I wanted to be. It was too triggering and painful to even walk onto campus, let alone spend time there. Whether it was to hang out with someone or do work. It was a reason for so many shifts in my life. I used to go on daily walks around campus to feel better but those walks only gave me memories I didn’t want to remember.

Two years ago I had thought about getting my real estate license. Even bought the course to help get me certified but chose not to do that. I happened to get a refund for the course which was nice. Last year, I became a certified phlebotomist. Something I have not used. I have now started another course to become certified in another thing. Something I will probably share more about later. The difference between this compared to the other ones is the reason why I want to get certified in this topic. I became a certified phlebotomist in hopes of doing it as a second job to save money to buy a house. Then if it was possible I would make phlebotomy my primary job after I bought the house. Part of the reason was money oriented. I don’t think that should ever be a motivator, especially for me who isn’t always motivated by money. I am also not the biggest fan of the medical field, especially a post-Covid one.

What I am working on now fits more into who I am as a person. I had never thought to do what this certificate would help me achieve. At the same time, it somewhat relates to other things I’ve thought about. I think that makes this time different.

To complete the course and get certified I have to do the work. For me, I have to go somewhere that isn’t my house to do it. I could go to a coffee shop but that could get pricy if I went every day. The only option was going onto campus. The campus that triggers and hurts me. Thankfully I was pushing through the triggers already to spend time with my friend. Someone worth any of the triggers. Spending time with her whether it be in her dorm (my freshman dorm) or other parts of campus forced me to deal with my issues. She is one of the easiest people for me to spend time with no matter where my headspace is. That is what makes our relationship so great. We can be on our phones for an hour without even speaking to each other. Sometimes you need that.

The funny thing is she was never supposed to go to the school where I went. Everything happens for a reason. I think one of the reasons her plans happened to change was to help me heal. I have started to spend so much time with her on campus that now I have started saying hi to some of her friends. Even becoming somewhat friends with some of them as well. Which honestly is healing on its own. I don’t think if I hadn’t had a reason to be on campus this past academic year, I would not be able to accomplish the class. I have started to be able to be on campus in similar ways to how I could when I was a student. I honestly didn’t think I would get to that. Now I have been on campus every day for a week working on my class. Most of those times have been by myself. It has made me think how if I was attempting to do what I am doing now even last year I don’t think it’d be possible.

Just proves how timing is everything.