A Year Without Dating Apps

We are days away from hitting a year since I deleted dating apps—the longest I’ve gone since I first created a profile years ago. I never had the intention or interest in meeting someone off of one. Maybe initially, but at that time, I couldn’t believe someone would be interested in me. I was shocked anyone would be interested in me, though a lot of the time, guys just swipe right without even looking at the girl.

I have a lot of man-related trauma so being on these apps I could try having conversations but it was also normal to ghost people and it would not be a big deal. Whenever I got overwhelmed or overstimulated I’d delete my profile. I’d go different periods before I created another one. Usually, if I was bored or lonely or wanted attention (I’ll finally admit that one lol).

Last year, I decided to go on dates with a few of the people I met on these apps. That led to my first date ever. I live in a smaller town and most of the guys were from the surrounding bigger cities. I already hate dating and could go without it, so I’m not about to drive a decent distance to go on a date with someone I’ve never met. Someone, whose attention I got by how I looked. Most of them want something physical from me. As someone who went five years without even kissing someone that’s not a motivator for me to drive and meet someone I don’t know.

I deleted the dating apps last year because of someone and I had no interest in anyone else. I didn’t need to accidentally lead someone on if I was into someone else. Also, I can be such a monogamous person, even when it comes to talking to people. I’m not a girl that can be talking to multiple people. I also get attached, which I am working on. However, I was using dating apps to talk to people and make connections, and work on not getting attached.

There were a few times this year when I could have created new profiles. During the times I thought about creating new profiles I looked at why I wanted to. It wasn’t to meet someone. I was noticing the times I wanted to create profiles were the times when I was lonely and wanted attention. Deep down I knew the attention I would get wouldn’t be the attention I wanted.

So, I have had to sit with those feelings. For the most part, it’s been on me to deal with them and not by getting an abnormal amount of attention from dating apps. Like different forms of social media and life in general these days, instant gratification happens with dating apps. That’s not healthy and not what humans were made for.

I always say if I end up in a relationship it’s not gonna be with someone from a dating app. I have learned to never say never but I need that initial vibe from someone that you can’t get from dating apps.

I didn’t expect to delete dating apps and get anything from it. I learned that I used them as a way to fill a space that I needed to learn how to fill in a different way. It’s been harder than I thought it would be. I am left with more time to let my thoughts consume me. Maybe as time goes on the more I decide to fill it up with my hobbies. I did draw more this past year than I have for a bit. I have no judgment for anyone on dating apps because it can be hard to meet people these days, but it is kinda empowering to not be on them. There is a form of self-love too, especially, for someone who has worked hard to love herself.

I do miss the entertainment of being on them. The things I have saved on my phone are peak comedy. However, some things remind me why it also makes me nauseous to be on them cause men can do some gross stuff.

Maybe one day you’ll see me on them again. I’m sure the few people who matched with me each time would be happy to see me lol. I also kinda hope I never go on them again. Life is short and not that serious. Go on dating apps or don’t. Just remember you’re the baddest and don’t need someone else to complete you. I learned this year just how important it is to make yourself complete on your own.