Navigating Nostalgia: Growth Beyond the Past

It’s not a unique feeling to be sad or nostalgic for a moment that once was. As I get older, the more I come to appreciate each changing moment. I am still me and still spend plenty of time missing parts of the past and different versions of myself. I’ve had to learn how to find a balance of honoring those who are no longer with us, but at the same time not let it consume me. That can sometimes be hard as someone who has struggled with mourning the person she could have been and how things could have been.

I’ve come to realize just how hard of a year I’ve been recovering from and how much it changed me. Though as a human, I am always evolving.

The second season of Nobody Wants This is now on Netflix. The first season came out around this time last year and was an instant hit. I had watched the first season with someone who isn’t really in my life these days. So, despite liking the show, I wasn’t going to watch the second season as I didn’t want to be put back into that era of life. Then a switch went on, and I decided why not?

Instead of sadness or other less happy emotions, it was another way of reminding me how different I am from last year. Sure, there are moments from that time I catch myself thinking about and being sad over, but I also don’t want to go back to that time. Most of my life, I’ve one way or another wanted to go back to the times I was missing. I don’t know if it’s me growing old, or it was such a terrible time, or it’s a good time right now, but I am okay with where I am.

I am getting better at appreciating the past and all that had to happen for me to become who I am. It’s kinda cool knowing that what happens now is going to shape the future you.

While watching Nobody Wants This, Kristen Bell’s character talks about how she used to never want to be an adult, but now she does and wants to do all these things that she used to deny wanting. Though I have always wanted to be an adult (the aging part I’m not too sure about), I have spent much time trying to hold on to a time that no longer exists.

There are relationships in my life where we talk about how we wouldn’t have meshed as well if we had come into each other’s lives at a different time. Even the people who came into my life and didn’t stay were meant to be in my life when they were, bringing pain and happiness.

A lot of the shifts I’m experiencing are from working on my attachment issues. Though I think it’s impossible to not have some form of attachment to someone or something, there are healthy and unhealthy ways of attachment. Nothing stays the same, so when you get attached, there’s a good chance it will end with disappointment.

I tend to get attached to the idea of something or someone. That creates room for unrealistic expectations from people. I believe being in a religious environment most of my life plays a part too. For example, romantic relationships. We are taught to date to marry. Any possible romantic relationship you are groomed to jump to extreme expectations from a relationship. I think that’s a big reason why I’ve avoided romantic relationships most of my life. I’ve never seen myself married, so as a Christian, I thought what would be the point of dating someone if I’m supposed to date to marry? Though I have very much been a person who didn’t want a relationship, I think I might have dated more and earlier if I hadn’t thought it automatically meant marriage.

I’ve been groomed to automatically create expectations from a relationship without any substance behind it. It took me a long time to accept that I could go on a date or talk to someone and that be it. If we vibed? That’s okay. If we didn’t? Also, okay. Life is about learning about yourself and creating relationships, short and long.

Nobody Wants This quickly summarized is a show where a Rabbi meets a non Jew and they fall in love while trying to make their relationship work despite have two sets of beliefs. In the last episode of season two, they are struggling with the fact that she isn’t ready to convert to Judaism. As Kristen’s character is talking to someone (not her boyfriend), she brings up how she would miss some of the Jewish traditions she’s been doing. The other character brings up how Kristen’s character has this specific picture of what she thinks converting to Judaism would entail, but she’s already been doing all the things she would as a Jew.

Having those unrealistic expectations and dwelling on the past took a lot away from me. Like I say in most posts, I am a huge believer that things happen the way they’re supposed to. That doesn’t mean there are times that I could have embraced life more if I wasn’t dwelling on things. Such as the couple in “Nobody Wants This.” They have these ideas of what they think their relationship should look like. If they didn’t hold onto those ideas, much of their conflict wouldn’t exist.

I am in a decent place where I can look back on it all and know I did my best with what I knew at the time. I spent a lot of time missing parts of life that once was (plz take me back to the early 2000s tho), but that’s all I was capable of doing at the time. Now, I get to enjoy getting older, though again, the aging I’m not too sure about. I get to enjoy healing more and more. I get to enjoy (still hard at times) the changes in life and relationships.

The older I get, the more I accept that some of my relationships aren’t like they once were. I’ll always get sad over that. But oh, how special it is to grow. Some relationships you get the pleasure to grow with each other. For the relationships that grew distant, it doesn’t mean you don’t love or support them any less. Just because it doesn’t look like it once did, it doesn’t make the time with them any less special.