Breaking The Stigma

I am a walking billboard for stereotypes and stigmas. For the longest time, I have let them control me completely. I still do at times. I am human and whether I want to or not I care about what people think of me.

For many reasons, I refused to take any kind of antidepressant or related type of drug. I reached a breaking point where my anxiety and such was becoming too much and making me incapable of working or functioning in general. I decided that it couldn’t get worse so why not try taking drugs. A drug that changes how parts of my body run. A reason that has made me refuse to take the majority of any kind of drug. I have an addictive personality. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

There have for sure been days where this medication hasn’t made things much better. It can take a few months for your body to adapt causing side effects. One of the reasons I take a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) is an attempt to balance out my hormones.

I have entered into one of my favorite parts of the year but I am also entering one of my most triggering seasons. I have been on an antidepressant for a little over two months and I will admit it has been hard in a lot of ways. Though a lot of things happened to me simultaneously which played a part in making it a hard month. I have been able to function in ways that I haven’t been able to in a bit.

For the last few years monthly I have uncontrollably cried for a couple of days straight. I wouldn’t have to be thinking of anything that would trigger it either. When I was in college I could get through it since my schedule was broken up. Once I started working full time it began affecting my ability to do my job. Thankfully, I have had a job that has given me the ability to say, “Hey, I am not doing well today.” These past two months I haven’t uncontrollably cried, and that has been pretty great.

One of my goals in life is to break the stigma around mental health and the ways people respond to it. It’s not a religious thing. You can love God with everything in you and do all you can to be a “good” Christian and still struggle mentally. A big part of mental health is chemical. My brain is chemically unbalanced making everything so much harder. Just because my brain is unbalanced doesn’t mean I am damaged goods. It doesn’t mean I can’t accomplish the things I want to do. In some situations, I may have to do something different than someone else. That is OKAY.

I love God with every part of me. I would not have gotten this far without Him. I am not around a lot of Christians who believe that taking an antidepressant or any of the sorts means I am a bad Christian. I know they exist and make many people who are in my situation believe they are unworthy of love from others and from God.

It’s okay to take medication. Also, be aware of what it’s doing to you as well. They can have some serious side effects and do more harm than good for some people. Talk to your doctor. Talk to a family member or friend. Don’t have any of those, talk to me. I will be your friend.

Don’t believe the lies that are around mental health. It is real. It is common. It is beyond due to breaking the stigma around it.